Go team.

I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm trying to imagine sunnier, drier days, where I don't weigh 200 pounds and I can go up a flight of stairs without pausing at the top to catch my breath and fight off the nausea. Days where I can eat whatever looks good and not get eyebrow-searing heartburn.

I'm remaining positive about the summer. Oh, yes I am. I am thinking good thoughts about time with my family of four, about time hopefully spent bonding and nursing, and not pumping. Yep, I'm worried about a repeat performance. But I'm also taking measures and educating myself this time around. I am going to be WAY more assertive when it comes to seeing my baby right after my c-section, and to make them let me try nursing RIGHT AWAY instead of hours after baby is born. I think the fact that I am expecting surgery will make all the difference, and I will know how my body reacts and how to remain as alert as possible.

It's GOING TO HAPPEN. Because it has to… for my sanity, for everything. I cannot spend 16 months pumping this time around, and that is for damned sure. I want a healthy child, but I want to hang out with Ruary and his little brother as much as possible, while NOT attached to a pump. So I am being much, much more realistic, and I am preparing myself to not set myself up for disappointment if it doesn't happen. I just hope this kid has a shorter tongue. Stupid genetics.

Just a pep talk to myself.