Congratulations... it's a rant!
I'm starting to get pissed off. I am reading more and more articles posted on well-meaning sites that give scary statistics regarding cesarean births. Mothers who give birth via cesarean section are less likely to respond to their baby's cries, are more likely to develop postpartum depression, are more likely to be infertile, and are generally SLOBS WHO COULDN'T DO IT ON THEIR OWN. And every place I look, I seem to see a story from a mother who had an all-natural birth, and simply can't imagine why anyone would allow any sort of drugs to mar their experience.
Let me get this straight, people... I HAD NO EFFING CHOICE. Do you self-righteous supermoms all think that I would not have loved to give birth the old-fashioned way? I really, really, really do feel as if I missed out on something special. Oh my, do I ever. But it just. didn't. happen that way!
As Rick and I begin our conversation about our possible second (and LAST) child, I understand that, if I want to give birth in Astoria, it will have to be another c-section. While I wish I could do a trial of labor, at this point in time the hospital does not allow this. So, bring on the rest of the articles, that state how successful a VBAC can be, and how anyone who has a second c-section must not only be a masochist (for subjecting her body to possible hemorrhaging and something as lovely as paralyzed bowel) but also a sadist for putting their child through such trauma. Yes, I know that a cesarean is a surgical procedure, and yes, I know it has complications... but would you look at my healthiest-of-the-healthy little boy? It seemed to turn out just fine for us. So I must ask, could you people please stop scaring me?
I am sorry to those who I know had an incredibly special birthing experience. Those of you I know and love, please understand that I think you are strong and amazing to have done this. But I have truly been made to feel inferior and ignorant and weak by women who were not at CMH with me and RIck on that sunny Sunday morning, were not there when my water broke and labor didn't start for like four hours, were not there when I labored HARD through the night with hardly any progress, were not there when I waited and waited and waited for the anesthesiologist to make it to the hospital from Warrenton so I could get an epidural, were not there when the epidural finally allowed me to dilate from 4 to 10 cm, and were not there when I pushed SO VERY HARD for two hours to not even get beyond zero station... so they honestly have no goddamned idea what they are talking about. So I write this, assured that they will never read it, so what is the point? Well, maybe I feel a little bit better. Or maybe not. I don't really care, I guess... or maybe I do...
posted by K Schimmy at 7:29 PM
14 Comments:
People who think their way to do things is the only way to do things are dumb. There are a million ways to experience every part of life. Open your mind and leave it that way.
Kel, hope the rant made you feel better. My tiny little 3 sentence rant made me feel good. :)
9:09 PM
I'm with you sister! We are not inferior, we didn't schedule c-sections to fit in with our busy lives or movie roles. We did it because it was necessary for the health of our children and us. Tell all those super hippy mom's to choke on their organic wheat grass smoothies!!!!!!!!!
9:26 PM
I agree with Sheflex. Tell them to go F themselves.
11:17 AM
It strikes me that whatever and whomever you are reading are very probably directing their thoughts towards people who schedule c-sections for the convenience factor, not for any medical reason. I think those people are crazy. But when there is a medical reason for intervention, well, there is a MEDICAL REASON, and that is all that need be said.
Tony and I went into the experience of birth with no "must haves" - I wanted to do it naturally, but we kept reminding ourselves not to get attached to some "ideal" because the whole point is healthy baby, healthy mom. It turned out good and bad for me, as I was in shock and had a GIANT episiotomy, but no drugs and minimal recovery time. However, going so fast meant that we had to spend two days in the hospital because Charles was exposed to strep B and I didn't have a chance to get the medical intervention I needed to prevent that. What it comes down to, I think, is that something like birth can never go as planned.
There's the other side, too... those women (and I know one) who are so stuck on "natural" childbirth that they put themselves and their baby in danger. I have a friend who feels she was "forced" to have a c-section when without it, she and her baby might have died. Now, she is pregnant again, and against medical advice, she is going for VBAC. They're doctors for a reason, people! Plus, what's so "unnatural" about ending up with a live baby and a live mom at the end of it all?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Don't stand for it. Stop reading what you're reading, and focus on a happy, healthy pregnancy and a happy, healthy baby.
So, when will you have another? Now, that's cause for calling you crazy! I can't imagine how I would've made it through this week of illness with two!!!
9:09 AM
Amen Amelia!
11:43 AM
I'm not getting any younger, so now is the time... if not now, then NEVER.
6:50 PM
AND, many of these articles cited the reasons my doctors gave for my c-section as the "unnecessary and unsafe" situations, not the women who elect for a c-section. I think that was why I was so angry and frustrated... all I wanted to do was read up on post-c-section birthing info, and I got a complex. Hrmmmph.
6:55 PM
Preach, sister! It always irks me that people seem to consider a vaginal, no-drugs birth to be the ultimate gold standard, as if any other way makes you less of a woman. As if you have to go through labor and painful delivery in order to really "get" what it means to be a woman. And I absolutely could not stand the pained, pitying looks I got from people after having two c-sections, like, "Oh, you poor thing. You'll never know what 'true' childbirth is like."
As the wonderful doctor who delivered Michael told me before my c-section after 36 hours of non-progressing labor, "The only thing that matters when all is said and done is a healthy mom and a healthy baby. How we achieve it is irrelevant. Nobody will be awarding medals at the end for a vaginal delivery or a c-section."
As a person who chose not to have a VBAC with my second and instead had a scheduled c-section, I can assure you the experience is much more special and magical when you are not exhausted from labor and are medicated appropriately. My scheduled C was, dare I say it, pleasant!
Totally agree with Amelia. No one can make you feel badly without permission. Don't allow it!
11:54 AM
I daresay, Carole, that any look I would give a woman who endured 2 c-sections would be one of "oh, honey, you are so brave and awesome to have undergone SURGERY for your babies and the subsequent recovery." Personally, I think you women who have to labor and then have c-sections and then have to make the choice to have surgery again are much braver than the rest of us "natural" (though I hate that adjective in this instance) birthers. What you did and do is harder than what I did. I am so scared of surgery. I think you c-section moms are amazing and you DO deserve medals!
10:24 AM
I know that all I seem to be doing is agreeing with Amelia and Carole, but you two are putting it such good words.
Amelia is right, you two (Carole and Kelli) enduring so much more pain and recovery time than we did. You two do deserve medals. You should NEVER feel like you are less of a mother. How dare people try to make you feel that way.
10:23 AM
Amen,sister. Yes, I really wanted my stomach cut up to get my child out... NOT. I was bawling when my Doctor said that we needed to consider it... after hours of hard labor.
Bastards! WE rock :) And of course all the other Mommies on here.
12:27 PM
You guys are awesome. I definitely feel better now. I wrote this right after reading some of those articles, so nerves were exposed... of course I don't feel slighted, I just wish that everyone could assume the best about other people, that's all.
7:46 PM
Kelli, I would cut a bitch for being snotty about c-sections for you.
8:51 PM
=)
9:16 AM
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