It's time to admit that I am wearing thin. I have a newborn who has not established a feeding schedule, and therefore could decide to feed for two hours straight. I have a toddler who has now decided that I am not worth listening to, ESPECIALLY while I am feeding his brother. I have no idea how to cope with this, and have gone so far as to record an episode of "Supernanny" in order to get tips. I don't know what to do.

I am mentally exhausted, and physically almost done in. I can't eat as much as I want to, because for some reason, my digestive system is revolting and adding yet another suck factor.

I love my children. Milo is beautiful and tiny and when he is not crying and fussing, he makes the most amazing faces. He has a tiny little mouth and huge dark-blue eyes that convey his wonder with the new world around him. He hasn't smiled yet, but I think he will soon (Ruary smiled for real at 16 days, so unfair to compare, I think). And Ruary... he is talking like a five-year-old now, communicating like crazy and doing more and more things for himself. He is incredible, even if he does not listen to a word I say. I look forward to next summer, when I have tackled all of these problems and can actually enjoy my life. Because right now I'm having a hard time doing so.

I want to fix everything, but if I can't even cope with something like a toddler saying "NO!", what kind of power do I have?